There has been a lot of talk in my circle lately about trees.
This is partially because many of my friends and I took a 12 week course at church that focused a lot on the Genesis references to the Tree of Life and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. The life-changing course pivoted most of us from a place of hurt and brokenness to a place of victory and peace that I was so grateful for.....
Then I purchased a home. I stepped out on faith and bought a house for my daughter and me, equipped with beautiful yard, quiet, peaceful neighborhood, pool, and custom kitchen appliances I had only ever dreamed of. I walked through the halls and touched every wall and smiled the first few days; I was in total awe that I was finally a homeowner after waiting so long for this chance to provide a life for my child.
Day 1-Bliss. Day 2-Joy. Day 5 - a quiet voice buzzes in my ear, "All that's missing now is the man." I let that thought take root and by Day 6 I was lamenting out loud, "I have all this space, all this property and nobody to share it with." Day 7, "I'm coming HOME to my HOME and no one to cuddle with" and "See, if I had the man, I wouldn't have to worry about cutting this grass or this pilot light." Dear readers, it only went further down hill from there.
I had gone from a place of absolute excitement about my blessing, about this dream fulfilled, to almost total disdain. I had allowed myself to somehow begin to feel that something is missing.
I went back and looked at those trees in Genesis again. By now, I'm old enough to know the "trees" mean different things to different people. Do you know what this passage in the Bible ultimately"Yes, you've given me a lot, but this is nothing compared to the ONE thing you're saying I can't have." How ungrateful is that thought? God placed Adam and Eve in the garden and gave them food, provision, direct relationship with Him, purpose and dominion (power and authority), everything they needed. Instead of them seeing that as, "What you've given me is more than enough when compared to what you say I can't have," they saw it as," The one thing you say I can't have is greater to me than the many things you say I CAN have." By easing their way over to the one tree He said not to touch, their actions said, "Thanks but no thanks, it's still not enough."means to me? Our actions, thoughts, our very words tell God,
Dear reader, that is exactly what I was doing.......I have desired to be a homeowner since 2009. I had taken my eyes off of ALL the things I GET to have and focused ONLY on what I don't have yet. I had somehow forgotten that this very time last year I couldn't even get approved for a home, let alone a new one. In fact, just weeks ago we were living in an apartment complex where police had a 4 hour stand off with gun-carrying perpetrator. Fast forward to now and not only did we get a home, but a brand new home built from the ground up with her dream refrigerator and my dream stove. Why is that all I could focus on was why my husband hasn't manifested yet?What I had to remember is:
Contentment is an every day conscious decision.
Every day we have to renew our minds and make a choice to be thankful for what we do have.
Everyday we have to make up our minds that yes I absolutely believe that greater things are coming in my life but until they do, I'm grateful for where I am right now, for what I'm doing right now.
I think if we are honest, every day you may come up on a pesky, little hovering thought that could potentially make you feel like you haven't yet "arrived," like you missed the mark somewhere or like something is missing. And while it is my hope that everyone that desires it will eventually have a healthy, whole marriage that doesn't mean that while we are waiting for it to manifest that we aren't complete. That doesn't mean that we can't feel whole as individuals. That doesn't mean that we have to wait for the ring to begin "living," pursuing our dreams, reaching goals, walking out our purpose, trying new things, embracing our blessings and loving who we are as individuals.
What a pity it would be to get to the end of your life to only say, "I never started loving it until my mate came along." How much better to say, "I loved life to the fullest and he only came along to further enhance it."
And let me be clear, this doesn't just apply to waiting for marriage. It could apply to having that desire to be a mother but still waiting for your that joy in your womb. This could apply to prolonging your career dreams because you've convinced yourself you're not qualified. Starting school, writing a book, travelling, starting a business---don't allow yourself to believe that just because you haven't finished the race, your journey thus far, your VICTORY thus far, isn't adequate or applause worthy. I APPLAUD YOU! If you're still in the race at all, I SALUTE YOU! If you're still in the fight at all, I APPLAUD YOU (and I need you to applaud yourself too)!!!
I say ALL of this to say (sorry for being long winded today), that I received one of the biggest blessings I've ever been able to tangibly share with my daughter. I'm looking forward to game nights, barbecues, and tv marathons with my village and enjoying our new journey. I'm rejecting any thought that says my wait has to be stagnant or that this blessing in itself isn't enough to make me turn cartwheels for days for the way God exceeded my expectations.
If you're like me and been in this single season just a tad bit longer than you thought you would, take heart. Shift your perspective and remember that what you do have even now is enough. It's your "daily bread," your portion. You have enough and oh by the way, YOU ARE ENOUGH!
View from my new favorite writing corner: my backyard!! FINALLY, my very own backyard!!!