I've been wrestling in this area probably my whole life. I have an extreme Type A personality, so to me, if I see something and I want it, what possible obstacle could block me from it? I set a goal, make the schedules and charts and go after it. What could possibly go wrong, right?
Maturity and life have taught me that you can want something and it can be 100% good for you but if the timing isn't right, it's better not to have that thing at all.
Remember being a child and wishing you could drive? You just knew you could handle it and it was as simple as turning a wheel? Then you get older and realize there's a bigger level of knowledge to it-- like turn signals, freeways, 4 way stop signs and oh yeah, speed limits that you probably couldn't have handled had someone given you keys at the age of 9. The desire was there but the capacity to handle the responsibly of it was not.
My friends will often hear me use the cake analogy. I can have all the right ingredients--the flour, the sugar, the eggs--and combine them perfectly. But if I put that batter in the oven and think that I can pull it out in 2 minutes and have a fully baked cake, I'm sadly mistaken. All I have is some nice, warm un-frostable batter.
So it goes with life. There may be a dream that you desired 10 years ago but for whatever reason, the timing wasn't right. Maybe you wanted to start a business but you managed your personal finances so poorly that IF you would have started your company then, it would have tanked within the first year. NOW, you've grown and learned how to balance a checkbook and hey, even started a savings account, your business is ready for you to be the best CEO in your city.
Maybe it was your desire to be a homeowner and you were living life off of maxed out credit cards 5 years ago, barely getting by, so you needed to take time out, revamp your spending patterns, stop your swiping habits and grow so that you can prepare for the very big thing you're praying for.
Whether it was to have children, to write a book, to invent something, to travel, to go back to school, having the heart for your dream matters but equally important is the concept of TIMING!
If I give my 11 year old the keys to my car today, I probably can expect to have to call the insurance company tomorrow. Why? Because she is not PREPARED nor is she READY!
And so it goes, dear readers, with our relationships. More than likely, if you're reading this, you're single and have a desire for your spouse. Me too! But ponder for a moment, what would happen if you two connected prematurely?
Do you remember the epic red and blue pill moment in the Matrix?What if you could choose to meet your spouse today and begin dating and even pursuing marriage-- But one of you hasn't healed from the neglect from your parents during your childhood so your relationship becomes codependent because you're looking for that other person to complete you. The other hasn't taken time to heal from the ex that walked away, the one they just KNEW was "the one," and so they are emotionally fragile and latch onto you too tight for fear that you'll leave. You try to hang in there but you both poorly communicate and one person is stubborn and the the other lacks the ability to forgive.
Wouldn't it be better to have done the work and healed and that way when you two come together, you're set up to succeed from the beginning? While it is true that all relationships are work, why make them harder than they have to be by forcing them to develop before their time?
A recent suitor wanted to begin a relationship but had not 1. healed from his marriage dissolving and truly forgiving himself AND her for the dissolution and 2. had not taken the time to do the self work to figure out what MAKES him cheat, what are the triggers and most importantly, what is the root, to prevent it from happening again. Good ingredients, not the right timing.
Had another candidate. Brilliant, great leader. But the moves that he is making for God require his FULL attention. GREAT ingredients, wrong timing.
Let my best friend tell it, the same can be said about me. As I have started school again and am working on bringing a few passions to life (stay tuned), she stated that if a relationship were to fall into my lap today, where would it fit? Would I have room for it? Honestly, the answer is no. Would I love to have my hubby already? Yes! But if we come into each other's lives prematurely, we could destroy each other, hinder each other, distract each other and I care too much about him already and too much about my purpose for that!
But enough about me. What about you, Dear Reader?
Have you forgiven?
Have you thrown away the love notes and the gifts and deleted that text thread from that ex?
Have you healed?
Do you have space (emotional space and actual time)?
Have you let go?
Are you more selfish instead of selfless?
For my marriage-seeking readers, are you financially responsible or do you fly by the seat of your pants?
Will you make your relationship an idol, worshiping it instead of the God that gave it to you? (Sadly, I've been there)!
I know first hand, that it can be hard waiting for something you want so badly (hope deferred makes the heart sick) but what's harder is cleaning up the mess and broken pieces after trying to make it work with someone when you weren't supposed to.
When the wait starts to seem to long, too unbearable, remember the cake batter. Let that cake fully bake! Your appointed time is coming. Don't rush it, prepare for it!
Books to read in your season of preparation:
Wholeness by Toure Roberts
Saving your Marriage before It Starts by Dr. Les and Leslie Parrott
I-Factor by Van Moody