Good morning, readers!
There is a currently 3 minute long voicemail in my phone from a suitor.
It's been in my inbox for awhile now, partially because I'm curious what you could possibly say on a voicemail for 3 minutes. The other part, if I'm honest, is because listening could be the last little confirmation that this is it--- the last phone call, the final signal that our little situationship is really, for real, finally over.
I keep staring at the phone sporadically throughout the day wondering what exactly this 3 minutes entails. Is this the apology that he would never say to my face and would only have the courage to say on a voicemail? Is this him serenading me, like he used to in the beginning, before the "honeymoon" phase ended and life got real? Is this him berating me and listing line for line all the reasons why we both know this thing we were building was doomed from the beginning and cannot, WILL NOT work?
Anyone else ever been there? Where in your heart you know the relationship has been over and even when it wasn't yet over, you knew it wasn't good for you. But you held on anyway, because though this relationship was toxic, at least this guy is here, at least you can say you have someone. At least you're not alone. So you stay well beyond the expiration date. Then it ends because one of you finally sees the light, but you still keep the pictures, the emails, the gifts, the text thread, and......dare I say it, the voicemails.
While brewing my coffee this morning, the thought occurred to my accountant mind exactly how many minutes have I spent agonizing over these little 3 minutes? How many minutes have I wasted, staring at the phone asking myself if NOW is the perfect moment to listen to it or should I wait until later? Do I need to have Kleenex ready or a baseball bat? What will happen if I listen to it, how will I feel? Meanwhile, as I'm preoccupied by these 3 little hovering minutes, life is continuing to whirl on around me. Life if going on. I finally came to this conclusion: it's time to take out the trash
Time to purge yourself of all that stuff that's creating a mental, emotional prison for you. Yes, it's time to unfollow or even block on social media. Maybe when you start missing him, you play y'alls favorite song and reminisce on the good times. Ummm, it's time to get a new play list. Maybe you've still got his name saved in your phone as "Bae," or "Potential Hubby;" it's time to delete that number. Stop eating at y'alls favorite restaurant and saying, "I remember what he wore the first time we came here," or "I remember Johnny would always order ________ when we came." Girl, TAKE OUT THE TRASH. It's time to pick a new restaurant. It's time to do a total Control Alt Delete on anything in your life that is not propelling you toward your greatness, your potential, your purpose, or your PEACE. Stop holding onto a dead relationship that not only can't be resurrected but shouldn't. JUST. LET.GO.
Whether the relationship was good or bad, if you've reached that place where it's ended but you're still pouting and scrolling his page and re-reading the texts, you've made your relationship your idol. You're letting it distract, or dare I say it, consume you and anything that takes up that much of your focus and attention and time and control of your thoughts or mood has become...yep...your lord.... How can you capture the relevant beautiful moments of the present if you're still steady living in the past? What are you holding onto and why? What do you gain by refusing to let go and embrace the wonderful things in store for you?
Listen, forgiveness looks good on you. Peace looks good on you. Joy looks good on you. Baggage does not. I don't care how much make up you wear on the outside, with your cute self, it can only go so far to cover up what you're carrying on the outside. So let's commit to making today the first day of the rest of our lives. The day we take out the proverbial trash and decide that what's coming next is anything that ever came in the past.
Won't you join me? Step one for me was deleting the text thread (whew (over 290 text messages)) and as of this moment, I deleted the voicemail without even listening (Hello, Strength)!! Cheers to new beginnings and letting go!!